Saturday, Feb. 24, 2007 6:16 p.m.
So, the other day I went to register with my new G.P. who makes up for not being Dr Dangermouse by not also therefore being 100 miles away and in what basically amounts, for NHS loris-administrating purposes, to a different country. In order to do this I have to submit to a 'new patient health check.' "But I am fine!" I say, "I have very few things wrong with me and I know exactly what they are!" And they, not being Dr Dangermouse, respond to the effect that They Will Be The Judges Of That.
So, I get weighed and measured and told to "pop" places, in the way Dr Dangermouse would never do in a million years; and eventually the nurse asks me, "How are your waterworks?"
And I, not wanting to be rude, say politely, "They are fine, thankyou. The central heating boiler packed in in November but we've had it completely replaced since, and a man came to de-gunk all the radiators while we were at it, so, no complaints."
And she, not caring terribly whether she is rude or not, looks at me as if I am pitiably thick.
And then the penny drops, and I say, "Aaah! I see! You mean my urinary tract!".
I did not, I regret to say, get a lollipop. You cannot have them any more, as they no longer wish to encourage small children to eat sugary snacks; I did ask. Neither did I get a sticker. I am therefore going, now, to print out my own, with a big smiley face and the slogan "I Was Remarkably Restrained At The Doctor's Today, Despite The Fact That I Was Patronised To Within An Inch Of My Life From The Moment I Arrived To The Moment I Left, Through The Special Door For People So Stupid That The Window Glass In It Had A Sign In Big Letters Saying WINDOW GLASS, Just In Case I Tried To Walk Through It Believing That It Was, Perhaps, Some Kind Of Transparent Window-Shaped Jelly."
Baaaah.
Pissed Off Loris - Saturday, Feb. 24, 2007
Swotty Loris - Thursday, Jan. 18, 2007
Mimetic Loris 2006 - Tuesday, Dec. 26, 2006
Psycholoris - Thursday, Oct. 26, 2006
Cunning, Linguistic Loris - Tuesday, Oct. 24, 2006